What Role does IFS (Internal Family Systems) Play in Creating a Coherent Life?
To understand how Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy relates to my idea of coherence, we first need to talk about what IFS is.
Developed by Richard Schwartz, IFS is a therapeutic modality which operates on a foundational assumption that we are all made up of “parts” of self. We are not one single, static self living inside a mind. Instead, we experience different parts that make up a complete picture of what it is to be ourselves. At any given time, we may be influenced primarily by the perspective of one part of self or another, whether we are aware of it or not.
IFS describes three main categories of roles that parts play: Firefighters, Managers, and Exiles.
When we are under stress or feeling “triggered,” for example, we may start to act from a Firefighter mindset. This refers to the part who enacts what we might recognize as a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response to bring us, unscathed, through an immediate threat - large or small - to our peace or safety.
When we’re going about our daily life, many of us habitually take on the role of a Manager part, who prefers to try to prevent discomfort and uneasiness by keeping things organized and making sure that everyone around us is taken care of before we rest.
Exiles are the parts of self who feel stuck, left behind, or who have felt a lack of attunement from others in our lives - or even from ourselves. They become split off or tucked away from the rest of the self, even if unintentionally. These parts hold feelings, memories, and beliefs that are too painful, scary, or vulnerable to display openly, as we might with the experiences of other parts.
At the heart of everything is what the IFS perspective calls the Core Self, who is often described as our “essence,” and the center of who we are. It has qualities like curiosity, compassion, and clarity, and it’s the presence that we hope will set the tone for the rest of our experiences, even when other, less reasonable parts are present.
Throughout my years as a counsellor, and especially since bringing IFS into my practice, I’ve become more aware of how often parts of us can feel out of relationship with the rest. Exiles, whether known or unknown to us, tend to create an energetic “leak,” so to speak, like a hole in a garden hose. Most of the water (aka energy) flows in one coherent direction, but some sprays out at a different angle, which to some degree diminishes the power of the stream.
Although this isn’t IFS terminology, it’s how I make sense of the method through my own lens of coherence. When parts of us are dealing with something in isolation, it takes a certain amount of energy to protect, contain, or avoid what they’re carrying. Thus, the stream loses force and becomes incoherent.
In my view, the aim of IFS is to bring as much energy back into the main current of the Core Self as possible by noticing and acknowledging the perspectives of each part, without giving them full reign over our thoughts and actions by default.
When each part has been heard, welcomed, and met with attunement, it is as if we’ve patched the metaphorical leaks in our garden hose, realigning the water back toward the intended direction, without force.
Rather than spending energy maintaining an incoherent, split stream and wondering why we feel limited or why nothing seems to be growing, we can build relationships amongst the parts and begin to reallocate that energy into a more focused stream. We can then direct it with intention, allowing more aspects of our lives to flourish.
